Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
