dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
