piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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