my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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