the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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