Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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