normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
