She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
