fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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