I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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