no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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