70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
