The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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