I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
