I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
