My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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