3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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