i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
