we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
