o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
