What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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