I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
