she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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