Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
