So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
