At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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