Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
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If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
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One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You are a genius and a whore.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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