No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
wow bdsm is so cute
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
