I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
