She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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