thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
