It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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