i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
