So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
