so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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