Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
