normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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