Banned from zoo.
Again?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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