Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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