the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
