Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
