Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
