im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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