im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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