i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
