Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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