i think my mom watched the whole time
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
