Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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