Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
