my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
