I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize