Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
