I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
