Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
