I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
