So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
