my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
