they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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