Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
