this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
