I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
