I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can text with my tongue
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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