I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
