look no pants
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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