Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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