Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This is the high leading the old right now
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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