I must be too annoying 4 u.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
