Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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