hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
