I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
