I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
