Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
